The 3, 367th Reason why I love Jessica Caldwell

"“Save it for your therapist.” Tina was a bitch. If I wasn’t related to her we wouldn’t be friends. Tina was the girl in high school who gave blowjobs for breakfast. I was the girl that drowned her sorrows in Yoo-hoos and Bit-O-Honey bars. Anything with a hyphen."
-From a story she just sent me

(And I'm still too busy bangin' your mom to write anything else. She's ridiculously tenacious.)

"I usually liked two weeks notice before going on a date, so I could lose five pounds, buy a new shirt, and get my Brazil waxed. Then again I hadn’t been on a date since Jerry stole nine months of my life. (Nine months that could have spent making a baby, if I was that kind of girl, which I’m not, or learning a new hobby like sudoku, which still makes no fucking sense to me.)"